Many years ago I was going through a very dark time in my life and not dealing with it very well. I was only in the beginning stages of intimacy with the Lord and there were (and are) still many lessons to learn. I was about to experience one of those lessons very forcefully.
In my search for answers to the impossible circumstances I was in I had finally blamed God for it. Oh, of course it was an attack of the enemy but God could have stopped it and protected me. What about all He promised me? What about all I had sacrificed? Where was He when I needed Him?
On and on I went, venting my anger at Him until suddenly He stopped me. Everything was quiet for a brief second and then I could hear the hurt in His voice as He said to me, “It grieves My heart the way you publicly disgrace and dishonor Me!”
Shocked, I wondered what He could mean. Publicly? I thought I was alone in my room and no-one was home but me. And what did He mean by disgrace and dishonor?
Answering my thoughts as always, He began to explain. “Yes,” He answered quietly. “You disgrace and dishonor me by casting doubt on my abilty to protect you. You accuse Me of not even loving you when it was My love for you that sent Me to the cross. I died for you.”
He paused for a moment to let His words sink into my heart. There was still great pain in His voice as He continued. “And yes, it is very public. Are you still so unaware of the spirit world around you? Everything you have said was heard by all of My angels and the great cloud of witnesses who have gone on before you. The whole demonic host of the enemy is also listening. Your words have disgraced and dishonored Me in front of them all.” After another brief pause He continued simply, “I love you. Please don’t do this again.”
Face to carpet, sobs and groanings of deep repentance. Forgiveness granted. Grace extended. Relationship restored. Lesson learned.